Meaningful Suffering

So after months of feeling really bad and a couple intense weeks of talking with friends and family about the whole Brooke Sheilds thing, I finally decided to get help.

I went to my Dr's office and got put on Zoloft yesterday.

In some ways it feels like a relief. In others, it feels like defeat. Like I finally admitted that I'm broken. It sucks. I *so* don't want to feel this way. Right now I'm sitting here with a headache in my forehead that my NP warned me could happen with this med. She said that I should adjust to it within two weeks and not have serious side effects but I'm so annoyed that I even have to be on them. Why can't I just be NORMAL? Why can't I just do things normally? Why can't I just get pregnant and have a baby and then be fine afterward???

I feel like my cheese slipped off my cracker and now I need help dragging it back on.

I posted a big confession about all this to my pagan mom's list. I got several supportive posts but the one that made me feel the best was one from another mom who just had her baby several weeks early. She said that she was prompted by my and other posts about postpartum depression and she called her Dr and was also diagnosed with ppd. Not that I'd ever want to see anyone else suffer this way, but I'm so happy that because of my story, now someone else won't suffer for over a year before seeking help.

Dr. Phil says to give your suffering meaning. It doesn't make the suffering better, necessarily, but at least you're making something good come from it. Knowing that even ONE person now will be able to avoid several months of pain, almost makes this all worth it.

Thanks, A.