My Little Witchlet
WOW.
I can't believe its been SO LONG since I last blogged! Edie's been pretty attached over the last few weeks and I've barely been able to keep up with caring for her. Most of my internet time is spent with her screaming at my knee so blogging has been sorely neglected. We'll see how far I get this morning.
I snuck out of bed at 2:30am to be able to get some non-screaming internet time. She woke up once but I was able to get her back to sleep and its been amazing how much emailing I've been able to do in the last three hours.
SO, we had a really good Yule. It was kind of funny, though, to realize how much of a witch-let she is. She's been going to esbats (moon rituals) and sabbots (sun rituals) since she was about 3 weeks old. She loves them. Behaves really well (although now she's getting to be a toddler, she gets a little more restless.) She loves drumming (even ditched me once at a party where the front room was all drumming... not even a "see ya" -- just a 10 month old climbing out of my arms to go drum, dance and smile!)
But I kinda missed the fun parts of my childhood as a Christian. My mom hasn't connected with the local church community here, so I figured I'd take my family to the local Unitarian church for Christmas eve services. (Unitarians are usually pretty pagan-friendly so I figured it would be a good balance.)
I loved it -- singing, candle-light, no bashing the bible over our heads, just light & joy and celebration. Edie, on the other hand, spent the whole service smacking her head and pulling her hair! I could hear a mantra repeating psychically in my head over and over, "I didn't incarnate to you to come here! I didn't incarnate to you to come here! I didnt'..."
I promised never to make her go back.
We had a good holiday, however, and enjoyed friends and family.
January wizzed by and then came February. Edie's first birthday was the 19th. I spent the whole month, up to her birthday, thinking back to that big, round belly I had so loved, that I was in the final days of, that time last year. Remembering what it was like to be so full of life. Counting the days until labor. Wondering what her birth would be like. Enjoying feeling her kick and hiccup and wiggle. The amazement that I felt when my water broke (at the metaphysical shop where we study, no less!) The start of my contractions, so welcome and exciting. Then, the disapointment that things weren't going exactly well. The drive to the hospital. The internal monitors, the slow heart beat, the rising up of knowing that the baby had to come out NOW! The spinal, the shoving and pulling as the Dr reached in and pulled out my baby. "The baby's out!" Relief. The baby's safe. Waiting for the Dr to announce the baby's gender... finally asking, "Well, what is it?" Laughing at the pronouncement that "its a girl!" Oh my Goddess... a girl!
I had been so sure she was a boy. The whole pregnancy! LOL A girl. I had really wanted a girl.
Edana Lynne Harris entered the world February 19th, 2004 at 11:21am via c-section.
Not the birth I had expected, but she was here. And safe. And beautiful. Goddess, she was (and still is) so beautiful. Not just because I'm her mother and every mother thinks their child is beautiful. But *really* beautiful. She never had that "Winstin Churchill" phase where newborns look like old men. She was so amazingly gorgeous from the first moment. Even the staff said so.
And now I look at her, all goofy with her fairy wings and party hat. Walking. Clapping. Dancing. Drumming. Waving "bye-bye." Using sign language to ask to nurse (she signs "milk".) Playing with the dog; getting licked incessantly all over her head and face and hands... laughing as the dog covers her in spit. Stopping whatever she's doing to watch "Molly the Molar" (from the Perfect Teeth dental commercial.) I can't believe its been a year.
We got really sick on Valentine's Day. My mom got it first, actually a couple days earlier. She ended up in the ICU at the hospital for 3 days, followed by 3 more days in a regular room and another week off work after she came home. Edie and I got sick that Monday and I spent the whole night listening to Edie breathing through a stuffed-up nose -- just making sure she didn't stop -- and coughing. I haven't been that sick for years. It took us three weeks to recover and in the meantime, we had to cancel her birthday party.
But its OK. Our friend Monica made the brave decision to come see us for Edie's birthday. Edie's little enough that she didn't know what should have been happening that day and now that we're all healed up, we'll be having her party at the museum of nature & science -- one of my absolutely favorite places! And I still have my beauty of a girl who is now one whole year old. My precious gift from the Goddess. My little witchlet.
I can't believe its been SO LONG since I last blogged! Edie's been pretty attached over the last few weeks and I've barely been able to keep up with caring for her. Most of my internet time is spent with her screaming at my knee so blogging has been sorely neglected. We'll see how far I get this morning.
I snuck out of bed at 2:30am to be able to get some non-screaming internet time. She woke up once but I was able to get her back to sleep and its been amazing how much emailing I've been able to do in the last three hours.
SO, we had a really good Yule. It was kind of funny, though, to realize how much of a witch-let she is. She's been going to esbats (moon rituals) and sabbots (sun rituals) since she was about 3 weeks old. She loves them. Behaves really well (although now she's getting to be a toddler, she gets a little more restless.) She loves drumming (even ditched me once at a party where the front room was all drumming... not even a "see ya" -- just a 10 month old climbing out of my arms to go drum, dance and smile!)
But I kinda missed the fun parts of my childhood as a Christian. My mom hasn't connected with the local church community here, so I figured I'd take my family to the local Unitarian church for Christmas eve services. (Unitarians are usually pretty pagan-friendly so I figured it would be a good balance.)
I loved it -- singing, candle-light, no bashing the bible over our heads, just light & joy and celebration. Edie, on the other hand, spent the whole service smacking her head and pulling her hair! I could hear a mantra repeating psychically in my head over and over, "I didn't incarnate to you to come here! I didn't incarnate to you to come here! I didnt'..."
I promised never to make her go back.
We had a good holiday, however, and enjoyed friends and family.
January wizzed by and then came February. Edie's first birthday was the 19th. I spent the whole month, up to her birthday, thinking back to that big, round belly I had so loved, that I was in the final days of, that time last year. Remembering what it was like to be so full of life. Counting the days until labor. Wondering what her birth would be like. Enjoying feeling her kick and hiccup and wiggle. The amazement that I felt when my water broke (at the metaphysical shop where we study, no less!) The start of my contractions, so welcome and exciting. Then, the disapointment that things weren't going exactly well. The drive to the hospital. The internal monitors, the slow heart beat, the rising up of knowing that the baby had to come out NOW! The spinal, the shoving and pulling as the Dr reached in and pulled out my baby. "The baby's out!" Relief. The baby's safe. Waiting for the Dr to announce the baby's gender... finally asking, "Well, what is it?" Laughing at the pronouncement that "its a girl!" Oh my Goddess... a girl!
I had been so sure she was a boy. The whole pregnancy! LOL A girl. I had really wanted a girl.
Edana Lynne Harris entered the world February 19th, 2004 at 11:21am via c-section.
Not the birth I had expected, but she was here. And safe. And beautiful. Goddess, she was (and still is) so beautiful. Not just because I'm her mother and every mother thinks their child is beautiful. But *really* beautiful. She never had that "Winstin Churchill" phase where newborns look like old men. She was so amazingly gorgeous from the first moment. Even the staff said so.
And now I look at her, all goofy with her fairy wings and party hat. Walking. Clapping. Dancing. Drumming. Waving "bye-bye." Using sign language to ask to nurse (she signs "milk".) Playing with the dog; getting licked incessantly all over her head and face and hands... laughing as the dog covers her in spit. Stopping whatever she's doing to watch "Molly the Molar" (from the Perfect Teeth dental commercial.) I can't believe its been a year.
We got really sick on Valentine's Day. My mom got it first, actually a couple days earlier. She ended up in the ICU at the hospital for 3 days, followed by 3 more days in a regular room and another week off work after she came home. Edie and I got sick that Monday and I spent the whole night listening to Edie breathing through a stuffed-up nose -- just making sure she didn't stop -- and coughing. I haven't been that sick for years. It took us three weeks to recover and in the meantime, we had to cancel her birthday party.
But its OK. Our friend Monica made the brave decision to come see us for Edie's birthday. Edie's little enough that she didn't know what should have been happening that day and now that we're all healed up, we'll be having her party at the museum of nature & science -- one of my absolutely favorite places! And I still have my beauty of a girl who is now one whole year old. My precious gift from the Goddess. My little witchlet.
1 Comments:
At March 28, 2005 at 2:28 PM,
Yvette said…
I too, have a daughter. A special, beautiful little girl. I have been searching desparately for someone to talk to about my experiences. Someone with a spiritual connection that can help me make sense of the most mindblowing, life altering experience that I have ever had. For the past two days I have had a vision of my past life that has a very celtic flavor. Mists, on a mountain,dressed in brown. One of the few past lives I remember as a woman that I wasn't unhappy or a victim of unspeakable violence. I have a interest in tarot and have read cards since I was 11 years old but can never find anyone to give me a reading where I live now. The last reading I had was with this evil woman who was accurate, so accurate that she knew I had $500 in my pocket for moving expenses and tried to get me to give it to her. Before that I went to a hypnotist (of sorts) who I got great insight from but she made me totally uncomfortable. I am a reiki master but I am feeling so spirtually anorexic lately that I am paralyzed as far as my own spirituality is concerned. Having a four month old and a full time job at the hospital doesn't help. I also am a nurse, did I mention that? I wonder if I have postpartum depression also. Somedays I feel like just screaming out into the universe but I don't want to shatter the peace. I loved what you said about your baby and her not incarnating for you to take her there. It made me smile because all day today I got the distinct impression my babe was questioning her own wisdom of incarnating to be with a mom so full of angst and inadequancy. I have the strangest birth story and I have not been able to talk to anyone about it from a spiritual view. and I so need to. my blog is www.belladawnsmom.blogspot.com Thanks for letting me vent.
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